Stephen Fry's Best Bits...

ON HIS COMEDY PARTNER HUGH LAURIE IN "HOUSE"
One of the hardest things to do is act smart. But you actually believe that he is intelligent (2006)

ASKED BY HIS SCHOOL CAREERS OFFICER WHAT JOB HE ENVISAGED FOR HIMSELF
School Careers Officer (1973)

ON TECHNOLOGY
I have never had fewer than 10 working Macs on the go since the late 80s (2007)

TO AN INTERVIEWER ON TV-AM
Not wishing – in any way – to correct you, but it is pronounced Worcester, not Wooster… in the same way that it's Woodhouse not Wodehouse (1992)

ON LIVING IN SWAFFHAM IN NORFOLK
You see it all. You see your hoody pikey chavvies, you see your happy-slapping. But it's leavened by a bit of fluffy Englishness and damp tweed. It's just what it should be (2007)

ON CONVERSATION AT CRICKET MATCHES
You don't get people going round saying: "Did it work for you?" and "It seems to me there's a sense in which…", like those awful scum on late-night BBC2 shows (1999)

ON TECHNICAL PROBLEMS
My life is a shattered bowl of arse (2009)

HOSTING A CHARITY EVENT
As the Archbishop of Canterbury likes to say: "That's enough tedious wank. Let's party!" (1991)

ON PHYSICAL CONGRESS
Sex does not enrich or deepen a relationship – it permanently cheapens and destabilises it (1985)

15 YEARS BEFORE "STEPHEN FRY ON AMERICA"
I get terribly depressed with the English obsession with America. These wasted little people with their baseball hats, who usually live in Newport Pagnell, who say: "Did you watch the Bears game yesterday?" Oh go away, go and live there, for God's sake (1992)

ON HIS DEMEANOUR
I have a smug air that I've done everything short of cutting my face open to try and get rid of (2009)

ON WEIGHT GAIN
I am currently developing myself for digital widescreen (1999)

AFTER BEING TOLD, BY ONE OF ALMOST ONE MILLION FOLLOWERS, THAT HIS TWEETS WERE "A BIT BORING"
You've convinced me. I'm obviously not good enough. I retire from Twitter. Bye everyone (2009)

HOSTING "QI"
Welcome to QI, the show that rhymes with Stephen Fry (2006)

Taken from The Observer article by John Hind, 8 November 2009

Beyond Useless...

"Hi there, how's Australia treating you?"

"Umm, er, it's treating me fine I suppose. Thank you for seeing me."

"So, you've come to Australia to look for work? How exciting. Now, just to let you know the job advertisement you responded to isn't available now."

"The entertainment marketing job?"

"Yes, that's the one. Don't worry, after that ruse I'm sure we can find you something."

"Oh."

"I know. You're qualifications were perfect for that job, weren't they? We don't have anything at the moment, but it's great that we finally get the chance to meet so I get to waste more of your time."

"Right, so I filled in this application form for nothing? Why does it ask for bank details by the way and what's with the question 'If you were a brand what would you be?' is this you trying to be hip and relevant or something?"

"Oh you don't need to worry about that. So, tell me a little bit about yourself while I think about what I'm going to have for lunch today."

"Well, I've had a varied career as Art Director, Marketing Manager and Account Manager. I've had extensive experience in the field of creative, marketing and advertising and now specialise in entertainment design but not exclusively... excuse me, are you just nodding at me politely?"

"Yes... a low fat salad is what I'll have. Now, I will be phoning my 'contacts' to see if I can drum up some interest in you. I'm also going to say a lot of big, exciting company names to you now and make it sound as I know every one of them personally, when in fact, I only know the HR manager who only reluctantly takes my calls as I constantly hound them. Does that sound like something convincing?"

"Well, a job working for a successful company sounds great, but..."

"Fantastic! Now, do you see yourself as more a creative than a strategic person, would you consider working agency side perhaps? I only ask this just to make me sound as though I know something about your job. I just don't want you to know I'm actually listening for several unrelated keywords from which I will feebly attempt to match you against a highly inappropriate job spec."

Umm, well I'm a trained creative person but have had strategic..."

"That's great, that's all I needed to hear. I see you also have a working holiday visa?"

"Yes, I... Why did you just pull that face?"

"Have you seen any other recruitment agencies or gone for any interviews so far? Be careful now, I know I look anodyne and false but I will shaft your potential career prospects if I find out you're not just using me. And if there's any chance I can put another candidate against you for a job, I will do it."

"Umm...NO? You're the first person I've seen actually."

"Great. I'll be as useless as the next agency you see anyway."

"Fine. I'm just slowly getting disillusioned about job hunting, you might as well kill the last ounce of hope I have left. If you continue to annoy me I'll just remind you that your only other career options were probably lawyer or estate agent. Is there anything else you need to know? Do you need to scribble any more doodles of flowers and swirly patterns on my CV or is that it?"

"No, I have everything. Just to let you know, I won't be calling you for a few weeks, if that's okay with you? Do keep in touch though and let me know how the job hunting is going your end. Just so I can field your calls and say 'Nothing has come in yet'. I'll eventually return one of your calls and suggest some crappy job spec we've had lying round the office for some time, hoping it may distract from how unhelpful I've been. By then, you'll get an idea of how we operate."

"Well, thanks for speaking at me. It's been pure joy. Perhaps I should have spent it more productively figuring how many of your business cards I could fit in your mouth?"

"It's been great to finally meet you too. Hopefully we can get you the job that fits you perfectly Robert."

"It's Richard."

Kate The Great...

I'm reading yet another biography about my favourite actress, who most of my friends know I endless quote and refer to a lot. The videos below are an abridged version of the intense 600 page book I am reading now. It's also a test to see if videos are something I want to add to my blog.




Her lust for life and decent common sense always enthralled and inspired me. Her quote below is what I try to do with my life daily and I thought I would share these simple words with you:

The thing about life is that you must survive. Life is going to be difficult, and dreadful things will happen. What you must do is move along, get on with it, and be tough. Not in the sense of being mean to others, but tough with yourself and making a deadly effort not to be defeated.

- Katharine Hepburn

Desiderata...

I believe I stumbled across this on my friend's website, I can't remember now, it was a long time ago. I saved it on my computer and found it again today. I think its a elegant and thought-provoking passage that focuses the mind and gives one the perspective we all sometimes desperately need in this chaotic world in which we live in:

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

- Max Ehrmann, Desiderata (Copyright 1952).

For Siobhan & Chris...

WHAT IS LOVE?

Sooner or later we begin to understand that love is more
than verses on valentines and romance in the movies.
We begin to know that love is here and now,
real and true, the most important thing in our lives.

For love is the creator of our favourite memories
and the foundation of our fondest dreams.
Love is a promise that is always kept,
a fortune that can never be spent,
a seed that can flourish in even the most unlikely of places.

And this radiance that never fades,
this mysterious and magical joy, is the greatest treasure of all
- one known only by those who love.

ANON

It was a real honour for me to read this for you both on your special day.

Rich x

Asides...

I heard the best line at work today from my client, when he was describing how ugly his old assistant was:

"About as attractive as an old 'Chupa Chup' lolly found underneath a greasy oven."

Will go into my mental rollerdex of phrases to use on someone one day.