Behind the curtain...

It's been a long time since I've written in this thing and for good reason. As you may know, this month was going to be pretty intense what with 'Anything Goes' rehearsals and it culminating with 'Show Time' last week. I could write all sorts about the experience, it has conjured up a lot of mixed emotions, mostly positive I must add, and it has shown me what sort of new things I am capable of. I have made some unexpected new friends, rediscovered my 'chest' and 'head' voice and have learnt that tap shoes are cheaper if you 'bulk buy' from a catalogue. It was incredibly important for me to do something for myself at this stage in my life, to find focus and to get away from the elements in my life that were grinding me down. Talking to the friends I have made in the cast now, I wasn't the only one feeling the same way about my life when I considered joining. Whether this makes me a cliche or not, or just plain normal, who cares. Truth be told, it worked, and I discovered a side to me that I had forgotten about a long time ago. As much as I like to perform to friends, I have certainly mellowed over the years, pruning that side of my flamboyant personality into something vaguely acceptable for 'day-to-day' society. Actors usually tend to let this side of themselves overgrow and flourish into every part of their lives, leaving themselves a tad self-centred and overtly dramatic most of the time but also acquiring a 'steamrolller' sense of total confidence and magnetic appeal I find admirable in some respects, especially as I think far too much about how I am perceived and worry over the actions I take. This show, has bought a lot of confidence and warmth of enthusiasm I seem to have lost years ago. The experience did however make me slightly bitchy again, luckily other cast members remarked they felt the same way. So I didn't feel too bad about this unwanted and new personality trait and I've made a conscious effort to suppress it.

The variety of new people who are now a part of my life is also quite remarkable. They really are from a different mould all together. I've been so lucky to have shared this part of my life with them. As I nursed my 'aftershow party' hangovers with a fellow co-cast member, he remarked how much the show had changed his life, given him a new found passion, something to think about outside work, that he no longer felt 'lost'. You can't help feeling totally beholden and in awe of that. Something so simple as an after work hobby could mean so much to someone. On reflection, it has undoubtably breathed new life into my stale routine too. The emotional and intense path has thrust some issues to the forefront of my subconsciousness, many of which I have failed to address for years. There is nothing like doing something that scares you, in order to beat your fears and build a sense of internal growth. Along with the eccentric personalities who have crossed my path, and without sounding cringeworthy, I hope I've made some true long term friends out of the show. Diva personalities and weirdos aside, there are definitely a select few, that over time, I can see, not only belting out a show tune with, but also laughing in a crowded bar at 3am or having a heart-to-heart with over a piece of badly made toast. The ever popular Charles is definitely one of them. He's surprised me in so many ways and he's probably not aware that over these past few months, he's taught me a lot of life lessons and shown me how to be focused and believe in yourself. I need to thank him for that.

So, onwards. Questions about 2007 and my future plans have drifted into my thoughts. I want to do 'Bat Boy', the next Centre Stage show. Again, it will take up a huge chunk of my life. I do have to think about seriously confirming my Australia plans in the new year. Life has thrown me an interesting curve ball, I just have to use it to its advantage now.