Once again, I find myself heading off into the sunset alone. Another layer of hope within has curled up and died after another 'interested' man decides he's not that interested after all. Yet the signals were there and I'm made to feel a bit of an idiot believing that they were somehow genuine. More than just a knock back, it is a sad repetitive pattern of how my dating process seems to never get past 'first base'. I'm not sure how much of my confidence, that I have spent the last few years building up, can take now. I realise I mustn't give up hope and I'm very proud of myself that I've come along way from the nervous, inept and totally inexperienced person I was several years ago, I do worry all that self-esteem building seems to be crumbling away, back to its original insecure form. I have to be careful, be strong and keep focused. It's been a while since I mentioned the guy I met at the party, and for good reasons too, I was keeping it to myself, trying to enjoy the moment without analysing every minute of it, like I always do. Close friends were obviously kept in the loop, those poor people had to listen to every cautionary tale of communication, every moment of self doubt and every whirl of excitement every time I heard from him. I was determined to 'play it cool' and be casual about it, as one is supposed to be in these situations. Fat lot of good that did me.
I realise people have their own agendas. I am dismayed how many people use email and and text to avoid face to face communication. Call me old fashioned but that is kind of cowardly and I appreciate even a phone call if meeting someone to discuss issues is too confrontational for some.
Bitch over. Back to single life and being a bit more selfish. Men. If they want me, they can come and claim me.
3 comments:
I was kind of expecting more of a bitch... but a humble response to a bit of a shit situation. If you do as you say, stop looking, stop searching, stop all the effort you will soon have a queue of men waiting. Thats the way it works. Just stop.
I just didn't want to sound cliched and whiny thats all. I was actuallly truly gutted last week. An ugly sight indeed.
You are a worry dear brother. I sit here on night shift wondering what I can say to make things better and I know there is nothing apart from: I love you so much and there are so many people out there that love you just as much as I do. So don't make me worry so much about you. These last entries have been very solemn, so no more woes please. I don't want reason to have to come back to England and sort you out. I don't get another free trip now! Lub you x
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